Emma Claire's Red Thread

Deflation

2011-06-30T12:14:00.000-07:00

Hmmm, shouldn't go and read the "rumor" sites and should stick to what I know. Seems like the speed up is not going to materialize and our wait is back to the former timeframe.

Spoke to our agency and they said we shouldn't renew our paperwork until August 2006 is referred, which I estimate around December of this year.

Expecting referral in December 2012 or January 2013.

New Updates

2011-06-03T10:49:00.000-07:00

The latest referrals are out and it appears that my referral estimates have been shaken up a bit. I just realized that we are only 12+ months from our referral.

By my estimation, we should receive a referral between March 2012 and August 2012. That's about 6 months sooner than I had thought. Looks like we need to start the process of re-newing our paperwork.

Still Here

2010-07-21T19:18:00.000-07:00

We've been logged in 1374 days or 3 years, 9 months, 5 days. Our latest guesstimate has us expecting our referral between July 2012 and January 2013. That's only another 731 to 915 days!

3 Years Since Sending Our Dossier to China

2009-09-15T19:51:00.000-07:00

Three years ago today our agency mailed our dossier to China and the wait officially began. We didn't know we would still be waiting three years later, but here we are....

2 years and 10 months

2009-08-16T08:04:00.000-07:00

We are on pins and needles anticipating our referral for Oliver from Ethiopia. We are so anxious to get the call and see his face. As we approach 4 months of waiting for our referral from Ethiopia I am reminded that we can wait and wait with this adoption. We are approaching 3 years of waiting-- 2 years, and 10 months as of today for Emma Claire. It reminds me we can endure as we are doing for Emma Claire.

30 Months Down

2009-04-16T12:21:00.001-07:00

...and still waiting.

A Speed Up?

2009-03-18T20:09:00.001-07:00

Ok, so its been a while since I posted--5 months to be exact. A rumor is gaining momentum in the China adoption community---that there will be a speed up---more referrals in 2009 than in 2008.

I will take notice of this new rumor but I am not banking on it. Right now the CCAA has referred through March 6, 2006. We still have 225 referral days ahead of us.

I think at the minimum we have another 1.5 years to wait. In the next few months we will need to prepare to begin our 1-800 paperwork. Hopefully by the time we file the USCIS will be a little faster in processing this documentation.

Happy 2 Year LID-iversary!

2008-10-16T10:26:00.000-07:00

Today marks exactly two years that our dossier has been logged in at the CCAA. Two years down and two more to go?

DTC Two Years Ago Today

2008-09-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

Two years ago today our dossier was sent to China. On 10-16-06 we will officially have been logged in and waiting for a referral for two years. We still wait for Emma Claire and I still follow all the rumors and referrals.

As I stated before, we still wait and wait and wait.

Making a Decision

2008-09-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

After thinking and researching we have decided to pursue a concurrent adoption. We officially began our journey this week to adopt an infant male from Ethiopia. You can read and follow our Ethiopian journey here .

We are approaching 2 years since we sent our dossier to China. We are still waiting for Emma Claire and will continue to wait. The only change in plans is that Emma Claire will be our youngest instead of the middle child.

Emma Claire is a Baby With No Teeth

2008-07-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

That's what Chloe says a lot lately. She likes to talk about Emma Claire in China as if she were born. She doesn't comprehend that we still have another two years to wait before we even get to see a photo of Emma Claire. If the two year wait holds true, then that means that in a probability, Emma Claire is not even conceived yet.

But, Chloe likes to talk about her little sister. It confuses people and we often get the question, "She has a sister in China?". I have had to explain to people on several occassions that we are adopting again and waiting for a referral from China and that NO Chloe does not have a sister with which she communicates in China (right now anyway).

Even though it is a long way off, I don't mind Chloe talking about Emma Claire in the "here and now". It helps her process. Chloe asked me today if we would put Emma Claire in a baby carrier. I told her I didn't know but that we didn't use a carrier for her when she came home. She seemed offended and most adamant that she was in a baby carrier at some point in her life and told me, "I bet my birthmother put me in a baby carrier."

The wait for this adoption is hard for Chloe to understand, but as she gets older it becomes a springboard to talk about her adoption.

So, we continue to wait and to think of E.C. daily. We have said that we would like to have 3 children and are now considering a concurrent adoption. I have been calling and talking to agencies about different programs. Many agencies are now open to concurrent adoptions for people in the China program whereas only a year ago they would not allow it. One agency even told me that concurrent is a joke...we would be able to adopt, have the baby home for a year before our China adoption. In other words, it's not really concurrent.

As we check into options for baby #3 (who would technically be baby#2), we still wait for Emma Claire.

Not Forgotten

2008-06-20T09:27:00.000-07:00

Chloe was drawing in the playroom this morning and she brought me this picture. She told me it was Chloe, Mommy and Emma Claire and that it was a sad Emma Claire because she wanted her family.

I thought it was very sweet and even though this wait is taking much longer than we ever expected, Emma Claire is never too far out of our thoughts.

AP Article on the Wait

2008-04-09T17:14:00.000-07:00

I came across this article on The Washington Post online today. Wendi is quoted and so is our agency.

Waits Lengthen for Adoptions From China
By DAVID CRARY
The Associated Press
Wednesday, April 9, 2008; 2:33 PM

NEW YORK (AP) -- China remains the country of choice for thousands of Americans seeking to adopt a child, but the time frame for new applications is now often triple what it was a few years ago and many families are enduring uncertain, emotionally draining waits.

"I've gone up and down with it - like a roller coaster ride," said Barbara Duarte Esgalhado, a single mother in Manhattan. She has a 7-year-old daughter adopted from China and filed paperwork in January 2006 for a second adoption that has yet to materialize.

"You find yourself rethinking it a lot more - is this still a good idea?" said Duarte Esgalhado, a 50-year-old writer and psychologist. Her daughter, Uma, was a big fan of getting a sister when the idea surfaced three years ago. Now, she's ambivalent. "A 4-year-old thinks differently about a sibling than an 7-year-old," her mother said.

The longer waits - projected at three or four years for many new applicants - officially are attributed to the large number of foreigners trying to adopt from China coupled with a smaller pool of available children and a slower review process. The China Center of Adoption Affairs, long respected for its ethics and efficiency, avoids specific promises about how long applications might take.

Infant girls by the thousands are abandoned every year in China, and the nation has been America's top source of foreign adopted children since 2000. But the annual total fell to 5,453 last year, down from a peak of 7,906 in 2005, and further declines are expected as part of an overall drop in foreign adoptions.

Texas-based Great Wall China Adoption, one of the largest agencies focusing on China, says its annual caseload is down by half.

"Unfortunately we've had families who have decided to withdraw from the process," said Great Wall spokesman Leigh Ann Graf. "We have some families who are very angry about the wait times - and others looking at the time as a way to get all those things in that they won't be able to do after they become parents."

The uncertainty has fueled rumors and speculation within the tight-knit community of Americans who have adopted from China or hope to do so. Some believe the longer waits are part of a temporary Chinese effort to scale back international adoptions ahead of the Beijing Olympics in August. Others wonder if China may be phasing out foreign adoptions almost entirely.

"Our agency made clear our wait could be three years, four, five - they just don't know," said Mike Suomi, a Manhattan architect. He and his wife, Jenn, have applied to adopt a second child to become a sister to 5-year-old Olivia, whom they adopted from China in November 2003.

"China is becoming an economic powerhouse," Suomi said. "As far as we know, there's an embarrassment factor to having an inability to take care of your own children."

The Suomis are working with Spence-Chapin, a venerable New York-area adoption agency whose caseload for China has dropped sharply due to the delays. Ann Hassan, the agency's China coordinator, said the wait can be much shorter if parents agree to adopt a child with a physical handicap such as a cleft palate or congenital heart disease.

The Suomis, both in their early 40s, are willing to consider such a child, depending on specifics of the impairment. They also considered adopting from elsewhere in the Far East but found South Korea, Vietnam and Taiwan unworkable for varying reasons.

"China always was the top preference," said Jenn Suomi. "There's no funny business, no corruption, no black market."

They're intent on persisting with the China application, and they work hard to help Olivia handle the longer-than-expected wait for the sibling she wants to call Mei Mei - "little sister" in Mandarin. "Let's say we wait four years - Olivia will be 9," said her father. "We'll be four years older. That's very hard for us. ... We're ready now, and now we have to wait."

Steve and Katherine Curtis, who live in the Long Island town of Babylon, are trying to adopt a second daughter from China to be a sister to Amelia, who was adopted in September 2006 and turned 2 in December.

"We're always thinking of her," said Steve Curtis, an auto company executive. "Absolutely we think it would be helpful for her to have someone to have a shared experience with."

Their new application was registered last October. They have no clear idea how long it will take.

"We're braced for fact it could be three more years," Curtis said. "You do all you can. Then it's up to the powers that be."

Some applicants feel they're in a particularly precarious position. Theresa Fierro, a third-grade teacher from Clifton, N.J., is a single mother who - like Barbara Duarte Esgalhado - got her current application filed in 2006 shortly before China changed its rules to exclude most single parents.

"The wait is causing some fear," said Fierro, 50, who has a 5-year-old daughter adopted from China. "And it's tough to plan. ... Should I work summer school or not? Should I go on vacation or not?"

For Joann Nix, 48, of Mastic Beach, N.Y., the wait adds to frustrations that had been building up over years of futile fertility treatments. She and her husband registered two years ago to adopt a Chinese child. They now fear the slowdown could hurt their chances of seeking a second adoption later on.

"It gets torturous some times," Nix said. "There are thousands of kids in this world who need good homes. We want just one."

In a similar predicament is Wendi Caplan-Carroll, 46, of Secaucus, N.J. She has no children of her own, though her husband has two from a prior marriage. She initially hoped an adoption from China could be completed in about 13 months. Now the process has been under way for two years, with no sure end in sight.

"I know some people who gave up, others who decided to adopt from Ethiopia," she said. "We're not shopping around - we have our heart set on China. It's hard to give up when you want something so desperately."

17 months down

2008-03-21T20:05:00.000-07:00

Well, it's been 17 months in the wait. Our fingerprints have expired and our I-171H is expired as well. We will renew as we get closer to referral. A lot of people have decided to keep renewing their documents to avoid meeting Hague requirements if they let their docs expire. After weighing our options, we let them expire.

Attempting to Get Home for CNY...

2008-02-08T09:42:00.001-08:00

I came across this slideshow of people braving the elements to make it home for Chinese New Year. It seems the Year of the Rat has not started out as a happy new year.

Happy New Year!!

2008-02-07T10:55:00.000-08:00

Today marks the Chinese New Year--The Year of the Rat.

2008-01-29T09:31:00.000-08:00

15 months behind us in the wait. With the Year of the Rat approaching I now wonder if Emma Claire will be a rat. Rats and Monkeys (Chloe) make great pals.

Goodbye 2007

2008-01-12T13:50:00.000-08:00

I feel a bit out of this adoption. Its been over 14 months since our dossier was logged in to China and it will be another 14 at least until we get our referral. The news this week that the CCAA took away its information box (see the box in "We're Out of Review" post on December 20) on its public website has caused a great deal of concern amongst those waiting.

I have been relatively calm during this wait. Much more calm than when I waited for Chloe. So, my hearts go out to those in this wait for the first time. Not only has this wait been long but it has also been made more arduous with new regulations and changes being made. When we waited for Chloe it seems I was always looking over my shoulder fearing that our agency would call and say China doesn't approve or something is wrong. Going through this wait and trying to remain optimistic in the face of the changes and lengthening waits is a daunting task. Add to that those who are waiting on their first child. It's hard to remain positive.

Eventhough we have been through this process before, I still read all the rumors and check messages from my agency daily. We've looked in to adopting from other countries in the interim and have been to see the fertility specialist during this wait. Yet, we know that we will return to China and will be united with Emma Claire someday.

At the start of 2008, I enter this year a little older and a little wiser. I know to try to stay calm about things not in my control and not to get worked up about things that are only rumor or speculation, and there's plenty of that to go around these days. I don't expect to meet Emma Claire in 2008, but expect to meet her in 2009. I look forward to the Olympic games in China and just added the countdown ticker on the page. I can't wait until August 2008 when the Olympics begin. I get to watch them with Chloe and afterwards, we get to see if the "speed-up" occurs. So, eventhough I don't expect to see Emma Claire, I still feel I have something to look forward to in the adoption front.

Thanks to our SB--Kellie

2007-12-19T10:16:00.000-08:00

Chloe modeling her ladybug knee socks we received from our SB.

Our GWCA Secret Buddy is fantastic. She always sends a box full of gifts each month and she is wonderful at finding the most creative and fantastic ladybug items. Our group is going to take a gift swap hiatus so our SB revealed herself. Thanks Kellie for all the wonderful gifts. We truly appreciate them. Sorry I have been so slow in sending out my thanks---your gifts are truly appreciated!

Our November gifts from our SB-a ladybug hamper, a cute oufit, an A-Z book on China and a teether.

Chloe showing off her SB gifts--a shirt that appropriately reads, "It's All About Me, Me, Me!" and a Dora coloring and activity book.
Our December SB gifts--darling ladybug PJs, an cute outfit and a ladybug nightlight that puts shapes on the ceiling.

We're Out of Review!!!!

2007-12-19T09:09:00.000-08:00

After 14 months and 3 days we are finally out of review and are now in the final and 3rd stage of the waiting game---waiting for referral. For those of you who read the above image (taken from the CCAA website), you can see that the CCAA just referred through December 14, 2005. Our LID is October 16, 2006. That's 10 months and 2 days of LIDs ahead of ours.

So, we could be waiting another 2-5 years for this referral. But, hey, this is progress and we'll take it!!

The Seal of Approval

2007-12-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

It's been over 13 months since our dossier was logged into the CCAA and it seems the dust has been blown off our file and it is now "in review". This means that our required paperwork, homestudy and family history are being read to see we qualify and can be approved to receive a referral.

One never knows the exact day that your dossier is reviewed, only that our LID month (October 2006) is being reviewed. You generally only have two ways of knowing when you are out of review and moved on to the "waiting room" awaiting referral-either a)you get a phone call from your agency that the CCAA has requested more information on your dossier or b) you hear nothing until your agency sends you an update that you have been moved on to the Referral Room. We are obviously hoping for option B.

I would like the New Year to bring in the news that we have been moved on to phase 3 of the wait, the Referral Room. This is the last stop for our dossier until referral, which is probably 2 years away.

A Belated Thanks

2007-11-29T18:12:00.001-08:00

I have been very remiss in thanking my GWCA September DTC secret pal for the great gifts sent to us a few weeks ago.

Chloe loves the "Jie Jie" (Big Sister) shirt sent to her and the scrapbooking kit and items. The onesies and shirts for Emma Claire are fantastic.

I will take a photo and post soon. Thanks so much secret pal!

One Year Since LID

2007-10-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Today marks twelve months since our dossier was officially logged-in to China. We have "officially" been waiting for our referral for Emma Claire for 1 whole year. I thought I might look back on what we did for the year, but it seems odd to list out what we did when in all probability Emma Claire is not born (and more likely, probably not even conceived).

So, today I'm not going to think about the lengthening wait or develop and give in to the "woe is me" mentality. I am thinking about a woman, somewhere in China, who will give life to a child and the choice she will make that will bring us the greatest gift we could ever receive.

BIG Secret Buddy Thank-You

2007-10-04T11:00:00.000-07:00

Since my internet was down, I was a little delayed in posting my thanks for this month's SB gift. All the items my SB sends are great!

Back to the Regularly Scheduled Program...

2007-10-04T06:56:00.001-07:00

I've spent some time away from blogging because I didn't have internet access. It seems that our ISP decided to block some ports preventing us from sending email messages out. It was an effort to get us to upgrade our account to a business account so they could a) charge us more and b)attach their ads all over our email messages forcing us to pay them to advertise for them. So, we opted to ditch the behemoth ISP provider for another ISP giant and wouldn't you know it, they do the exact same thing (even though they told us that they didn't do that). So, in an effort to "stick it to the man", we got stuck without internet for a week and a half and still have the same issues. Go figure. The whole issue could be resolved if I didn't use Outlook and used our ISP provided email account. But, alas, I love Outlook and I don't want to change my email address. So, I will have to deal.

In the meantime, it seems like I picked a good time for a hiatus. Just when one thinks that it couldn't get more depressing on the China adoption front, it does. Before our internet break it was all cheer as we approached the review room (currently August 2006 is "in review"). But, now that referrals have arrived and it is but few days of referrals, all hopes have been dashed on the rocks. I know I say it just about every time referrals come out, but I guess I get my hopes up, it appears the 3+ years of waiting are true and we have 2 more years to go.

It is such a difficult thing not knowing WHEN. It makes life hard to plan. Daily I make the calculations as to when Emma Claire may arrive and how that may or may not affect vacation plans, older sister Chloe in school, repairs, renovations to our house, savings accounts, etc. Eventhough I know we should just "get on" with life, it certainly is hard to do so with the current state of adoption affairs. And,if calculating the wait doesn't seem like enough, you could also spend your time calculating the CCAA's next rule change, paperwork criteria, etc. It seems like we are in a constant state of adoption flux.

I am so thankful to have a calm, grounded husband who can "get on" with things (even though he is just as disappointed) and to have Chloe to keep me busy and distracted. Of course, nearly two years into this adoption process, Chloe is beginning to realize that a baby sister will be coming home. As Chloe's awareness is raised, more questions come.

Last Saturday, we went to a waiting families adoption meeting. I explained to Chloe that all of the people there were waiting for their babies from China just like we were. Well, somehow Chloe thought that we were leaving for China with all these people to get Emma Claire--right then. She was very disappointed when she found out that Emma Claire was not coming home that day and Chloe told me, "But Mommy, I have to give Emma Claire a kiss!". It was so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time.

Lately Chloe has been asking more and more about Emma Claire and some of her comments are priceless. At dinner the other day Chloe told me that when Emma Claire comes home Chloe will then have two daddies. I asked Chloe what she meant and she told me that she would have Chloe's Daddy and Emma Claire's Daddy, giving her two Daddies! I had to break it to Chloe that her Daddy was Emma Claire's Daddy. I wish I had a camera at the moment I told her that because the look on her face was one of those "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?!" looks. Then the other day, Chloe told me she got Emma Claire two presents. I asked her what she got Emma Claire and she told me she got Emma Claire her old crib and she would let her Mommy (me) tuck Emma Claire in at night. Another sweet moment. At least she realizes Emma Claire will be living with us.

1 Year Since DTC

2007-09-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

I've had a little unplanned down-town due to my computer (more on that here). The 15th of September marked one year since our dossier was mailed to the CCAA. With the slow roll out of referrals, it marks a milestone. In another month we will celebrate our 1 year LID and will have to uncork the special ladybug wine to mark the event.

Secret Pal Jackpot

2007-08-23T11:18:00.001-07:00

I received a secret pal jackpot this month. I got an entire package filled with adorable presents (see below). My GWCA pal sent two months in one and was lamenting that she is a bad pal. So, I just want to say, don't be so hard on yourself! This wait is bad enough. You're great and the gifts are wonderful and much appreciated.

On the GWCA secret pal front, my pal received her referral from Vietnam last week. I don't know if she has ever read my blog (or knows I am her secret pal) but I think it is great news and am so happy for her and her family.

China Girl Broadcast

2007-08-23T10:41:00.001-07:00

BBC's Radio 4 aired a series called "China Girl" about adopting from China back in July. I was very eager to listen to the BBC's take on China adoption and the U.K. procedures required to adopt (especially since hubby is a U.K. citizen).

There are two segments to the program. You can link here to listen.

Better Late Than Never...

2007-08-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

I am a little late in posting photos and details on our waiting families BBQ held at Heather's house two weekends ago but our nieces and sister-in-law came in to visit and we had a jolly good time with them (more on that here). The event was planned and prepared by Heather and was for families in our area who recently adopted or are waiting to adopt from China. Many of us who attended the BBQ found each other through our blogs.

We'd like to thank Heather for bringing everyone together and hosting the event. A good time was had by all and we enjoyed meeting others from the area in the same slow boat to China. I know a lot of planning, shopping, cleaning, etc. went into the event and so we thank Heather for her hospitality. We ended up having to cut out of the event because Chloe was spent from playing and having an all-too brief nap in the afternoon. It culminated in a doozy of a temper tantrum and our exit.

Bubbles!

The water table was a big hit with the toddler crowd.

The party tent.

Still Going

2007-08-16T19:57:00.000-07:00

Top 10 List

2007-08-08T10:18:00.000-07:00

Laughing at the long wait, this list has been making its rounds.

Top 10 Ways You Know You've Waited Too Long For a Referral From China:

10. You've stopped telling people you're adopting from China because chances are the next time you run into them you'll still be waiting.

9. When someone tells you a far off date in the future as 12-18 months you think to yourself "wow, that's coming up so soon!"

8. You know people who have had two kids in the time you've been waiting for a referral from China.

7. The last Olympics were happening when you started trying for a family and there's a good chance you'll be in China for the '08 Olympics there.

6. You know couples who have gotten engaged, married and had a baby all while you've been trying to start a family.

5. You try out all the baby stuff on the cat to "practice"-- and you take pictures to post on your website because there's no other news to report.

4. You automatically convert the time to Beijing time in your head because you think maybe the CCAA is working on referrals.

3. Your nursery bedding has been discontinued.

2. You've had to dust cobwebs off the changing table in the nursery.

1. You've gone on your last childless vacation.....5 times!!!

21 Miles!

2007-08-06T08:05:00.000-07:00

Last night I logged up all my miles walked the past 7 days from my pedometer. It equaled 21 miles!! Yesterday Matt and I walked into town to the farmer's market and back through some of favorite neighborhoods. We like to get ideas for our house and I like to always walk Matt by one house in particular on our street that I love and want. Matt doesn't get the attraction but I hope to convince him by walking by it all the time and pointing out it's fabulous features. When all was said and done and we made it back home we had walked 6 miles rambling around our town.

I was so inspired by my mileage that I went to the running shoe store and bought a new pair of cross-trainers to walk in and the latest version of my running shoes (which are 3 years old) in anticipation of picking up the pace.

Referrals

2007-08-02T19:12:00.000-07:00

I was very happy to return home today and to find a message in my "inbox" from Tori, who lives in the next town over and is LID November 2005, that she received her referral. Her baby girl is precious and is waiting in Hunan Province.

I met Tori over a year ago through our FCC group. I never imagined when we met for coffee over a year ago that it wouldn't be until the next summer that she would recieve her referral. I am so excited for her as she has been eagerly and patiently waiting for this day.

10,000 Steps

2007-08-01T19:42:00.000-07:00

In pursuit of losing weight and getting fit, I have been walking each morning. I purchased a pedometer to make certain I reach my goal of 10,000 steps a day. It is such a shocker to discover how sedentary I am. I am trying to reach 10,000 each day, which I thought would be easy. It has taken planning to make certain that I reach the goal. And, just in case you are wondering...10,000 steps a day means I walk 4.56 miles a day.

In order to achieve this goal, I have been walking into town and taking long rambles through the neighborhoods with Chloe during the mid-morning. Chloe always falls asleep and I get to listen to some music while she naps.

Thank You, Thank You

2007-07-23T12:10:00.000-07:00

've been rather slack in posting two gifts that received. The first gift was a darling ladybug swimsuit and blanket from my secret pal through our GWCA September DTC group. Chloe also received a wind-up ladybug that does flips. It is too cute.

The 2nd gift received was through the general September DTC group gift exchange. The theme was books and I received two great books in the exchange.

Thanks so much to my exchange pals. So sorry I haven't posted sooner.

On another note, I am eagerly anticipating the next round of referrals as someone I know will be getting their referral. It is such an exciting time and she has been on pins and needles during this wait. She and her husband live in the next town over and I met her over a year ago. I never imagined that she would still be waiting a year later.

As for our referral, I would just like to get through the 2nd step--REVIEW. May 2006 is through the review room and that means that 4.5 months are still ahead of us. I would hope to be through the review process by the end of the year (December 2007).

Still Here, Still Waiting

2007-07-16T12:06:00.000-07:00

Oh, I'm still here...waiting.

Still Waiting...

2007-06-19T05:41:00.000-07:00

ell, it almost slipped by me, but we have now been waiting 8 months for Emma Claire's referral.

In the meantime, I am now eagerly following the adoption journey of another family. They received their referral in April and will be traveling in a few days. I learned of this family through my mother. My mom works with a friend of the family. I am happy to see this family's journey reach this point. Getting updates after it has gone through 3 different channels and through people that don't always comprehend the details of China adoptions can be very amusing. But, I am happy for this family and will be checking in on their trip to China.

I also just learned that my secret pal is switching countries from China to Vietnam. Kind of a bummer. But I wish them all the luck. Now I have to rethink this month's gift!!

Diet Update

2007-06-14T19:55:00.000-07:00

o far in my quest to lose 2 Chloe's I have lost 6 lbs. My dear sister is in town this week and has purchased this book for me in an effort to help me reach my goal. She swears by this book, of course, she recommended it as she troughed down 2 cupcakes. Hmmmm, I don't think she was using cognitive therapy then. I will keep you posted once I have finished the book.

Thanks SB!

2007-06-05T03:53:00.001-07:00

nce again our GWCA secret pal has sent some cute gifts. Chloe received some adorable ladybug bubbles and a pink purse. Emma Claire received a darling ladybug dish set and stuffed panda bear.

Losing 2 Chloe's

2007-05-25T09:35:00.000-07:00

got to have an enjoyable meal last night with some local China adoption bloggers/waiting mom’s Heather, Wendi and Chris. It was great to meet up with them (and oh so convenient for me as the restaurant we went to was on .3 of a mile from my home). They are 3 great women and I think it will be lots of fun to take this adoption journey with them. I am so glad I contacted Heather when I found out she works in our little village. We had some great conversation and closed the restaurant down. We continued outside in the parking lot but I unfortunately had to cut out early as wetting my pants was not an option. I rushed home, ran inside to be greeted by my hubby with a “So you have to pee do you?”. Does he know me or what? I wish I could have stuck around for more laughs.

I am also happy to report that I didn’t completely destroy my diet at the restaurant either. In fact, I did pretty well with my Teriyaki Chicken Bento Box. I have a goal. I need to lose 62 lbs. I’ve declared it, so I have to make it happen. Daily, I walk around with the weight of 2 Chloe’s on my body (Chloe weighs 31 lbs.). That’s 2 Chloe’s too many, so I have to lose it. I have always wanted to be a “runner” and hauling two extra Chloe’s on my body doesn’t make it easy.

I’ve been doing well on my diet thus far BUT that’s before the carb-addict clan of toddlers descended on my home for playgroup this morning. Earlier this week I purged all bad carbs from my home in an effort to get rid of temptation. Being a realist, I knew baked eggs in Canadian bacon cups wasn’t going to cut it for this crowd so I had to break down and buy some bagels. There they sat, tempting me all morning until I just had to have 1 half and then the other half. What’s a girl to do? I fell off the wagon and now I am going to have to climb back on with a brisk walk and some yard work.

Too Sweet

2007-05-23T07:22:00.000-07:00

irst, I am thinking of changing the ladybug theme on this blog to a snail theme in light of the wait ahead. I did update the "referral guesstimate" counter at the top of the blog to reflect the 3 year wait we will likely have.

Enough whining...so this morning we dropped Matt off at the train station and Chloe commented on the sun "waking up". We began discussing how the sun wakes up and rises very early in the morning. This led to Chloe asking about when the sun sleeps and me explaining that the sun never really sleeps because it lights one half of the earth at a time, so when the sun is up here, the other half of the earth has the moon. Much to my surprise, Chloe says, "Is it dark in China now?". I responded that it was and told Chloe that when she is waking up children in China are going to bed. Chloe then said, "Emma Claire's getting in her pj's right now." I thought this was really sweet. I was also shocked too because with the wait being so long, we have rarely mentioned Emma Claire's arrival, opting to wait until we get closer to referral.

I just thought this was a moment to remember.

Tag, I'm It

2007-05-18T19:42:00.000-07:00

ith the potential of another 2 years and 5 months to wait for Emma Claire, I have decided to attempt to spice up this blog, otherwise it's going to turn in to monthly postings of a ladybug number counting off the time.

So, Heather at Digging a Hole to China had a funny little meme that I have decided to participate in.

...OLOGY MEME---

FOODOLOGY
What is your salad dressing of choice? Blue Cheese (could anything with so MUCH fat in it taste bad?)
What is your favorite fast food restaurant? I'm off of fast-food. It appears that McDonald's, Wendy's, Burger King & Dunkin' Donuts have cornered the market in NJ. I don't think people in the state realize there are other fast-food joints out there. I would fall to my knees and worship before a Sonic if I saw one. At this point, I would rather have a dirty-water dog from a NYC street vendor.
What is your favorite sit-down restaurant? There are restaurants that force you to stand? Right now, I would say Allendale Bar & Grill because they have free popcorn as an appetizer that keeps Chloe entertained so that we can actually enjoy a sit-down meal.
On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15-20%
What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Watermelon
What is your favorite type of gum? Extra Spearmint

TECHNOLOGY
What is your wallpaper on your computer? my PhotoShopped visualization board. It has come to mean so much that I had to minimize this page to see what my wallpaper was. That may be a bad sign that it is not working.
How many televisions are in your house? Right now, 3, but after this weekend we will be down to two and by next weekend I am betting we will be back up to 3.
How do you listen to music? With my ears

BIOLOGY
What’s your best feature? My fake fingernails
Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Too much to recall and not that interesting
Which of your five senses do you think is keenest? Hearing...I can turn it on and off at will.
When was the last time you had a cavity? 12 years ago
What is the heaviest item you lifted last? our dryer attempting to move it out of the way to reach the laundry room light switch
Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No, but I may have knocked a few people unconscious

BULL&#*!OLOGY
If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? No
Is love for real? Definitely
If you could change your first name, what would you change it to? Well, when I was 5 I insisted my name was Penny
What color do you think looks best on you? Pink
Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake? Bugs
Have you ever saved someone’s life? No
Has someone ever saved yours? Yes-Melanie and Christi and the fine ER team at Northwest Arkansas Regional Medical Center

DAREOLOGY
Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Uh, yes
Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? I'm not that cheap
Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Possibly
Would you never blog again for $50,000? Yes, duh
Would you pose nude in a magazine for $250,000? Sure
Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1,000? Bring it on
Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Yes, it would allow me to catch up on my newspaper, book and magazine reading

DUMBOLOGY
What is in your left pocket? Nada
Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie? It's not just a good movie, it's a "classic"
Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house? hardwoods and carpet in the basement
Do you sit or stand in the shower? stand
Could you live with roommates? I lived in a sorority house for 3 years and I survived
How many pairs of flip-flops do you own? too many to count
Last time you had a run-in with the cops? I last saw the "Po-Po" in 2004 for speeding
What do you want to be when you grow up? independently wealthy
Last friend you talked to? my playgroup pals
Last person you called? My mom

RANDOMOLOGY
First place you went this morning? the bathroom
What can you not wait to do? go on vacation to the Outer Banks in NC
What’s the last movie you saw? "For Your Consideration" from Netflix

7 months Down...

2007-05-16T19:38:00.000-07:00

September DTC Bath time Exchange

2007-04-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Our September DTC Yahoo! group had a gift exchange with a bath time theme for April. We got some darling gifts from our exchange pal, Tammy. Emma Claire received a bunny towel and ladybug bath scrubbie (so darling).

Chloe is making out like a bandit this month. She also received some presents. She got some light-up bath ducks which she adores.

Thanks Secret Buddy!

2007-04-27T10:02:00.000-07:00

We received another awesome set of gifts this month from our GWCA Secret Pal. We received a beautiful card, cute Carter's onesies and pants, & a darling ladybug pool floatie. Chloe also got some presents in the package. Chloe received a watch/bracelet and rice candy.

6 Months Since LID

2007-04-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

Today marks our 6 month LID anniversary for Emma Claire. I think we are 1/4 of the way through our wait.

April Referrals Gloomy

2007-04-11T10:21:00.000-07:00

I have waited a few days to post so I could recover from the latest referrals. Two days of LIDs were referred - October 25 and 26, 2005. When I heard only two days of LIDs had been referred this month I thought it was some cruel joke on the part of the CCAA or a definite sign that China wants out of international adoption. Once I calmed down and received an email from our agency, I realized that the CCAA cannot be blamed. While it seems like 2 days of LIDs is a ridiculously small referral batch, in reality it is not. The two days of LIDs for our agency produced nearly the same number of babies as last months referrals (and it was for days of LIDs). Simply put, the CCAA has a large amount of dossier logged in during October 2005 and rumor has it that November 2005 is just as large. In other words, there are too many dossiers and not enough babies.

I know that despite that logic many are very distraught and discouraged at this entire process. I know of 4 people that have switched from non-special needs to special needs and have a referral, one has already traveled. I think many others will consider this option too. A few others are discussing looking into other countries.

GWCA March Secret Pal Exchange

2007-04-02T19:04:00.000-07:00

We got another gift from our great GWCA Secret Pal. We received a Toddler Busy Book, a ladybug jump rope for Chloe, and 2 books on China for Emma Claire and a ladybug stamp. All great stuff and much appreciated.

GWCA Culture Club Meeting

2007-03-26T12:12:00.000-07:00

We attended a regional culture club meeting for our agency. We had dinner at a Chinese buffet in southern NJ and got to meet many families from NJ who were adopting/have adopted through our agency.

We met a great family who live only a short-distance away and are LID in May 2006. Hopefully we will keep in touch and be able to meet up again.

I also got to meet Christine, who is adopting through our agency and lives in NJ. I have met Christine on-line in our GWCA Yahoo! group and have exchanged quilt squares with her. It was nice to put a face with a name and meet others who are on the same timeline.

It was good going to the event and listening to others talk about how difficult the wait has been so far. Our agency's regional director said that the CCAA is well aware of the frustration of many families regarding the lengthening wait times and that they want to do something about it. That news is cold comfort in light of recent referrals and the gloomy forecast we have on when we will get our referral.

On a side note, I did learn that our agency places about 16% of all children adopted from China. Wow!

I do want to add that Chloe had a great time at the event. She played almost the entire time with the other children there. She did take a small break to eat something and ran around the rest of the time holding an ice cream cone. She did not want to leave. We are so looking forward to Emma Claire's arrival and watching our two daughters play together.

Time Keeps Ticking...

2007-03-16T06:52:00.000-07:00

Well it's our 5 month anniversary today! Whether we believe it or not, time is not standing still, it is moving along.

Brown Envelope Arrived

2007-03-09T11:16:00.000-08:00

My Dad called Wednesday to tell me we received a "strange" envelope from the U.S. Consulate in China at their house and was it something to be concerned about? I asked if it was brown and he told me yes. Aha! The much anticipated brown envelope has arrived! Despite being told that we would not receive our "brown envelope" because we moved, we got it on Wednesday (at our old address).

The brown envelope is simply confirmation that the U.S. Consulate in Guangzhou, China has received the information from your local USCIS that you will be adopting in China. There are various papers inside that will be filed with the U.S. Consulate after you have received your child in China. The brown envelope is supposed to travel with you to China and the documents completed in China.

Due to the nonsensical fear that I will lose a document, I will tuck the envelope, unopened, into our handy, dandy notebook set aside expecially for the necessary documents that will be traveling with us to China. Now, I just have to put aside the nonsensical fear that this brown envelope will bio-degrade by the time we get our referral and travel to China!

Ugh!

2007-03-05T06:05:00.000-08:00

The rumor that referrals go through October 24 LID's appears to be true as a few agencies have confirmed. This is such a disappointment as there was hope that the CCAA would refer all of the month of October and indicate a "speed-up" in referrals.

This news confirms that we have a long, long wait ahead and that the 2+ year wait for our referral appears to be accurate. If you assume that the CCAA will continue to refer children at the same rate then we are looking at a 2.5 year wait. Now, the one glimmer of hope is that the CCAA has said that they do not want the wait to exceed beyond 2 years.

September DTC "Princess" Exchange

2007-03-02T11:24:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Nancy Ann, my September Yahoo! DTC exchange pal for this month's exchange. The theme was "Prince/Princess". Nancy Ann sent a book, sunglasses and stickers. Chloe promptly snatched all 3 items. After some wrangling and distraction techniques I was able to acquire the items from her. I told Chloe that the gifts belonged to Emma Claire. Her response was that she would take them to Claire at pre-school (a friend of Chloe's). Hmmm...I don't think Chloe is grasping that she is getting a little sister named Emma Claire.

Things are very quiet right now and there is not much out there on the way of rumors/information on the next batch of referrals. Of course, there are the rumors of a "speed up" but as soon as that comes out someone else sends out a rumor that things will remain the same. I think if this batch shows that there will be NO speed up in referrals then I will put that belief to rest and settle in for our 2 year wait.

February GWCA Secret Buddy Gift

2007-02-23T12:37:00.000-08:00

Thanks to our GWCA secret buddy for another great gift this month. We received a ladybug jewelry case (which matches E.C.'s big sisters), ladybug rattle, two outfits and a latern making kit for Chloe.

Thanks so much!!

Happy Chinese New Year! Xin Nian Kuai Le!

2007-02-18T14:54:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year! We did not celebrate on New Year's Eve, which is tradition, but will celebrate today. Chloe and I went to a local Chinese supermarket and purchased some dumplings for dinner tonight.

With the start of a new year on the Chinese calendar I wonder whether Emma Claire will be born in the year of the pig, which could be likely.

The pig is one of 12 animals (or mythical animals in the case of the dragon) on the 12-year cycle of the Chinese zodiac, which follows the lunar calendar. According to Chinese astrology, people born in pig years are polite, honest, hardworking and loyal. They are also lucky, which is why many Chinese like to have babies in a pig year.

Disturbing Comments

2007-02-02T12:29:00.000-08:00

I like to read blogs and hosting sites of people who are adopting from China. I think they are fun to read and I like to see how people cope with "the wait". I also enjoy reading the sites and postings of families who are in China to receive their children. They are usually so uplifting. I say USUALLY. Over the past couple of weeks I have come across some postings that are really disturbing because of the tone of the postings and some critical comments on China and its culture.

What I find so upsetting is that the postings smack of "Ugly American" syndrome. While the bloggers are entitled to their opinions that more Chinese should speak English, there is better food in the U.S., the Chinese try to nickel and dime parents in China who are adopting and that some everyday Chinese cultural things are "annoying", they also need to remember that it was the Chinese country and culture that gave them the gift of a child and that this child will grow up in their household hearing and reading their blogs & negative opinions on China.

I am not expecting rosy and glowing accounts of China from every adoptive family that visits, but I do expect a little respect for another culture and it's customs, especially since you have a child who was born in that country. I can't believe having such a negative attitude of China and its culture really benefits a child you adopted from China.

It reminds me of the staggering statistic that 70% of U.S. citizens do not possess a passport. It makes it apparent how insular the United States is as a country and people. Our lack of travel and experience of other cultures makes us blindly believe that we are superior & makes us ignorant and judgmental of other societies in their lack of "Americanism". We live in age of the globalization of society. You can find run of the mill Starbucks next door to a famed Viennese coffee house, a McDonald's in Red Square, a KFC in Guangdong, and every shopping center in America with the exact same 100 stores inside. Sorry, if you have to endure a little cultural difference. I find it refreshing.

I am thankful that I have had the opportunity to get out and travel and see the world and its varied cultures. I am grateful I've expanded my horizons so that I can appreciate differences instead of being intolerant of them. I am also thankful that I will be able to pass this characteristic on to my children so that when they are older and we take them to visit China, their birth-country, they won't seek out their first meal in China at a McDonald's and say something so stupid as "why don't more people speak English?" because they know they will have come to China to learn about it's culture and customs and to be an observer and perhaps learn something (and they will probably know too that more people in the world speak Mandarin than English).

Sure, I can understand that some adoptive parents go to China not because they want to travel there, but because they want to adopt a child from China. But how can you take in a child from a country and not want to visit that country and a least have a small understanding of the culture? You do your child harm in being so ignorant & intolerant yourself.

I want Chloe and Emma Claire to be proud of their U.S. and Chinese heritage because I think it is inevitable to say that they will wonder about their Chinese heritage and face certain challenges because of it. I don't want my children to believe their Chinese heritage is the jade bracelet and silk dress I brought them back from Guangzhou. And I certainly don't want their only contact with other Chinese to be on a visit to the Chinese restaurant. Doing so ill equips my children in dealing with ignorance, racism and cultural differences. I want my children to be armed with some knowledge and some intelligent things to say when confronted with such issues.

What will they believe their heritage to be? Well, that will be their discovery, it has to be. I can't impart it on them, because it's not my heritage. However, it can be influenced. If my attitudes and opinions of their Chinese culture were that it was backwards and inferior to the U.S., what would they think it to be and what would their attitude be on being of Chinese descent? It would crush their self-identity and worth. While people are entitled to their opinions, as ignorant as ill-informed as they are, it just saddens me to think they will be imparted on their child.

As for me and my house, we will impart an appreciation for differences because a greater understanding leads to greater acceptance.

Referrals

2007-02-02T08:48:00.000-08:00

Referrals have arrived for families logged in through October 13, 2005. We are making progress and hopefully by the end of March we will not have a year of dossiers ahead of us.

GWCA Secret Pal

2007-01-28T12:25:00.000-08:00

Another big thanks to my secret pal from our GWCA agency group for the bath squirters, baby washcloths, wash kit and hooded towel. You can never go wrong with bath time gifts!! Thanks!

Three months and counting...

2007-01-16T05:35:00.000-08:00

Three months since LID!!

Best Guess for a Referral

2007-01-11T11:42:00.000-08:00

I am quickly becoming a RQ addict. I check in everyday to see where referrals stand and what latest adoption rumor is floating out there. Today's discussion is referral estimations. On a daily basis I am coping with the fact that this adoption is going to take a lot longer than Chloe's adoption. I am generally OK with that...except when it hits home with a best and worst case scenario for our referral. It isn't pretty.

Our LID is 10-16-06. The best scenario for our referral (based on average # of LID's referred) would be a late July/early August 2008 referral, the worst case scenario would be a late June/early July 2009 referral. In all actuality our referral will probably fall somewhere in the middle.

We're looking at a 2+ year wait for referral. When we adopted Chloe, the movement from translation, to review to referral marked a milestone in the wait. Now, it seems meaningless as movement of dossiers has slowed to a trickle. What will be the milestones with this wait? When our I-600 A and homestudy expire?

I guess we are on the REALLY slowboat to China.

Referrals in...

2007-01-03T18:33:00.000-08:00

Referrals arrived today for families logged in through September 27, 2005. I will be eagerly anticipating the next set of referrals to see if a)they come before Chinese New Year and b) see how many days the CCAA refers since the "word" is that September 29, 2005 is a huge group.

Congrats to all those who received referrals.

Interesting radio show segment

2006-12-31T10:55:00.000-08:00

This segment on The Brian Lehrer show, which is on our local public radio station, discusses the changes the CCAA recently made to their adoption guidelines. It's very interesting. Click here to listen.

Thanks September DTC Cyber-Shower pal for December

2006-12-28T10:46:00.000-08:00

We received the cutest ladybug backpack from our September 2006 DTC group cyber-shower pals this month. Thanks so much!!

December Secret Pal Gifts

2006-12-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

Our picture frame ornament with Chloe's Christmas photo in it surrounded by our 2 angels, one for Chloe and one for Emma Claire. Our other photo frame is awaiting Emma Claire's photo.

Our December GWCA Secret Pal gifts.

I opened up my GWCA secret pal gift this month to discover that my secret pal went all out this month. There were numerous little packages all neatly wrapped in the shipping box. It was so much fun to open each one. Chloe even received some gifts! It was such a nice holiday surprise. Thanks so much to my secret pal for the Ten Little Ladybugs book, the two ornament angels and the two picture frame ornaments. We also received the most precious ladybug bracelets for Chloe and Emma Claire, along with a Dora Loves Boots book, Dora hair brush and pony tail holders and a coloring book for Chloe. Also in the package were some ladybug chocolates.

Thanks so much to my great secret pal!

2 months since we were logged in

2006-12-16T06:36:00.000-08:00

Two months since LID (and 22 more to go)!

Nice story in DMN

2006-12-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

This is a story my mother sent me. It was published in the Dallas Morning News. I thought it was a great story.

The Mathematics of Affection

In this case, the whole definitely is greater than the sum of the parts

By JEANNE MARIE LASKAS Special to The Washington Post

If my girls go to Chinese class, they get candy. Any kind. Free choice. We go to the candy store and pick.

Bribery is not a noble parenting tool, but I'm here to say it's efficient, convenient and practical. Any guilt I feel dissipates when we come out of class and they're singing those Chinese songs, drilling each other on the Mandarin words for moon, star and underpants. They love it. They forget how much they love it when it comes time to go again the following week. I remind them with the candy.Someday, they'll thank me. I'll be a hero. It'll be, "Thanks, Mom, for making us learn Chinese," when they're all grown up and taking treks back to the orphanages that once housed them; they'll be bearing gifts and appreciation and promises to build playground equipment. This is what I imagine. My girls giving back. We'll see.

For now, it's Skittles, Reese's Pieces, Kit Kats or possibly 3 Musketeers. We're in the car on the way to class, and they're trying to decide. We pass Sunshine Kids, the place where Anna, 7, went to preschool. "That was my first school!" she announces to her younger sister, Sasha. "That's where it all started!"

"You told me before," Sasha says.

"My teacher was Miss Donna," Anna says. "You never met her because you weren't born yet."

"I know," Sasha answers. "You tell me this every week."

She does. It's getting old. There is something about this "starting place" that seems to have Anna hooked. Today she goes further, naming every teacher she's ever had, and then every baby sitter she's ever had. Britney, Erin, Linda, Mrs. Linton, Miss Pato. Soon Anna has retrieved a pen and a notebook, and is doing the tally.

"So that means I had seven teachers," she says, "seven baby sitters and two moms." Two moms? Well, now wait a second. Where did that come from? And she's just dropping this so --casually? If she means what I think she mea! ns, this is big.

"Two moms?" I ask.

"You and the one whose belly I came out of," she says.

Well, glory be. It's finally registered. We've had so many frank discussions over so many years about what it means to be adopted, endless times I've tried to directly place this information into my kids' brains, and it has never, before now, seemed to have even made a dent.

I always expect big tears of awareness and deep talks about "real moms" vs. some other kinds of moms, and it never happens. Instead, whenever I broach the subject, my children appear flat-out bored with it. So I don't push.

That's a choice. Plenty of adoptive moms go about this differently. I know of one who has a little memorial to her kids' birth mothers in her home; every night they pray to her with thanks. There are kids' books and dolls and whole play sets you can buy to deal with the issue.

I never wanted to automatically assume it would be an issue for my girls. Instead, I go for the factual, simple declarative: This is how it is. Some kids are raised by their birth mothers, some by birth fathers, some by adoptive parents and so on. And my kids practically yawn at me. This is the first time either has brought it up on her own.

"So, do you girls remember your birth mothers?" I ask, gently prodding, knowing full well the actual answer to this. If the records are correct, neither would have spent more than about a day with the woman who gave birth to her.

Anna was found on the steps outside a hospital. Sasha was found in a cardboard box by a pharmacy. Do I demonize the women who left them? Enshrine them? Do I ever let my complicated relationship with the ghosts of these women be known to my children?

One of the greatest gifts you can give your kid, I think, is the gift of keeping your problems to yourself.

"I don't remember her," Anna says, "But I think she had long hair. Probably longer than Sasha's had."

"Mine had short hair," Sasha says, wisely surrendering.

"Do you think they were nice?" I ask.

"I think mine liked t! o sing," Anna says.

"Yeah, mine, too!" Sasha says.

"Well, I never got to meet them," I say. "But I met some of the women in the orphanages who took care of you, and they were all nice."

"Oh, that's right," Anna says, almost exasperated by the addition problem unfolding before her. "How many of them did I have?"

"I don't know," I tell her. "I mean, there were a lot of people there."

"I'm just gonna say six," she says, and then takes a moment to come up with her grand total. "Twenty-two. I've had 22 ladies watching over me. Wow."

"Wow," I say.

"That's a lot of love for one kid," she says, mimicking the way I talk to her about such things.

"Snickers," Sasha says, out of nowhere. "I forgot about Snickers bars. I think that's what I'm going to pick today for my candy."

Right. I forgot, too. Teachers, birth mothers, candy, all part of a well-balanced psyche.

New Rules

2006-12-12T12:12:00.000-08:00

Even though there has been some discussion for the past few days, I didn't believe anything until I got official word from our agency. Well, it's official. Beginning May 1, 2007, the CCAA will be changing the requuirements for adoptive parents. The new rules are:

Married applicants are preferred.

Parents ages should be between 30~50.

Good health. No history of depression or anxiety within the last two years.

No criminal history.

Body Mass Index (BMI) below 40.

Income per family member must be $10,000.00 with a net worth of $80,000.00+.

Must have at least a high school education.

Less than 5 children under 18 living in the home.

These new rules should not affect us since our dossier was logged in on October 16, 2006, some 7 months prior to the new rules being enforced. As of this time, the CCAA has not sent the new regulations in writing to the agencies, which may account for different accounts of the new rules.

The CCAA also ended the rumors of a "speed up" in referrals. According to the CCAA, the wait to referral will not fall below the current 15-16 months wait time and may even increase. This means that we can expect our referral between January 2008 and October 2008.

Stockings Hung on the Chimney with Care

2006-12-07T11:32:00.000-08:00

I hung 4 new stockings on our chimney this year, one for each member of our immediate family. Even though she is not here (and for that matter, probably not born yet), Emma Claire receieved a stocking because she is in our hearts and minds.

In Translation

2006-12-04T13:37:00.000-08:00

Referrals arrived for families logged in through September 8, 2005. Though the CCAA is not referring at the speed we would like, we still take comfort in the fact that we ARE making progress.

Our agency informed us that our dossier is in translation. Once you submit your dossier to China, there are 3 steps to referral, just like the 3 trimesters of a pregnancy. The 1st stage is translation, where your dossier is translated from English to Mandarin. The 2nd phase is review, where your dossier is looked over to make sure you meet the criteria to adopt. And the 3rd phase is referral, where you are matched with a child.

GWCA Secret Pal Gift for November

2006-11-28T17:34:00.000-08:00

I returned from our trip to England to find a gift from my GWCA secret pal for this month. It was the most precious ladybug tea set and a memory book called "The Chosen Child". The tea set is quite appropriate as Chloe is in to "tea-making" after our visit to her Nana's in England. I will have to hide this set until Emma Claire arrives and can share in the tea party fun with her big sister.

My logo was chosen!

2006-11-13T18:30:00.000-08:00

I am so excited that my logo was chosen for our September DTC Yahoo! group. Wow! It is not the logo I had in my head and wanted to design, but it is cute none the less. If I ever can devise a good reason to spend several hundreds of dollars and get the full-fledged PhotoShop (and not my simplified PhotoShop Elements) then I can start producing some cool things. For now, I will settle on my PS Elements and our group logo that I designed using it.

Our DTC group is made up of people throughout the States, and many in other parts of the world, who sent their dossier to China in September. We selected our group name, The Red Threads of September, because of the Chinese Red Thread Legend which has become a motto for those who have and are adopting from China. It is very beautiful in meaning. The legend is scrolled around our group name like a thread in the logo. In case you cannot read the legend in the picture, I wrote it below.

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."

Thanks, Yahoo! SeptemberDTC Cyber Shower Pal

2006-11-02T12:21:00.000-08:00

Last night was the SeptemberDTC Yahoo! groups cyber showering opening for October. We were supposed to go into a chat room, open our gifts we received from a pal we were matched with and share. Well, just as I was about to log into the chat room, Chloe started crying. I went to her room to find that she had rolled down the end of her new big-girl bed and fell (the only place she could roll out with the safety gates on). She was upset but ok. She wanted me to lay down with her so I did...and fell asleep. I woke up this morning to realize that I missed the entire cyber shower.

I opened my gift this morning to find a musical zoo that lights up and plays sounds and an animal book/teether. I also discovered that my secret pal was Beth & Eric H. So, many thanks for your great gifts!

IT'S OFFICIAL, WE'RE PAPER PREGNANT!!!

2006-11-02T11:58:00.000-08:00

We received word yesterday that our dossier was logged into China on October 16, 2006. This is our official LID date and the date we will "track" to see our progress in this paper pregnancy.

Referrals just arrived as well. To give you an idea as to where the CCAA is at on referrals, they just sent referrals for dossiers logged through August 25, 2005.

2006-10-31T08:51:00.000-08:00

I had to share my latest find for E.C.'s room, these darling ladybugs on canvas tiles for her wall.

10 Questions Not to Ask Adoptive Parents

2006-10-30T07:04:00.000-08:00

This is an article I was sent. It was published on AmericanBaby.com.

Speaking from experience, I can generally say that this should be required reading for employees of Wal-Mart. I have stopped shopping there because every time I go in a Wal-Mart with Chloe one of these "What Not to Say" questions are asked by the cashier. (I wish I was exaggerating, but unfortunately I am not and location doesn't seem to matter. I have been asked these questions at W-M in Texas & NJ.)
************************************************************************************

By Wesley C. Davidson

What Not to Say

"Who are his 'real' parents?"

"Aren't you wonderful to adopt this child?"

"How could his 'real' mother give away an adorable baby?"

"Do you know anything about his background?"

"What will you do if he searches for his 'real' mother?"

"Your kids look so different? Which one is yours?"

"It's just like having one of your own, isn't it?"

"Why was she given up for adoption?"

"How much did you pay for your baby?"

"Now that you've adopted, you'll probably get pregnant, don't you think?"

What Non-Adoptive Parents Should Know
If you're an adoptive parent, chances are you've heard all or some of these questions. Neighbors, strangers, friends, and yes, even family, may mean well, but their remarks can really grate on adoptive families. Often, non-adoptive parents don't even realize they're asking intrusive questions.

The answers to your questions are going to be framed using these basic points about adoption:

Adoption is permanent.
Adoption is a legal change, involving the court.
Adoption is another good way to create a family.
Some aspects of adoption are private.
Most adopted children grow up to be just fine.
Adoption Language Etiquette
Unless you are part of an adoptive family yourself or know adoptive parents, you probably aren't familiar with words that connote positive adoption feelings. Certain phrases and questions can imply that an adoptive family is inferior. So that you can tell which statements might be considered mettlesome to an adoptive parent, here's an adoption etiquette primer.

It's All in the Family
Foremost, details about adoption belong to the family. When talking to adoptive families, respect their privacy. Be careful what you ask, especially if the adopted child is nearby. You don't have the right to know how much the parents paid for the child, the circumstances leading up to the adoption, or the names of the biological parents. You can ask what country the child was adopted from, how old he is, for example.

Remember that sometimes an adoptive parent doesn't divulge information with his child about the adoption of his sibling until the children are old enough to grasp the family history. Accept that doctors, family members, baby-sitters, and teachers all deserve and will require more detailed information than you will or might receive.

Saints, No. Parents, Yes
Ninety-two percent of adoptive parents have been called "saints," says author David A. Kirk in his book Shared Fate: A Theory and Method of Adoptive Relationships (Ben-Simon Publications). Even such praise can be unsettling: If parents are "special" for adopting, it implies that it takes an extraordinary person to take on an unlovable child, a charity case.

Don't Use Disparaging Language
Use what the experts call "positive adoption language." For example, don't call a biological mother a "real" mother. Isn't the real mother the one who changes diapers, cares for an ill child, and drives him to school? If the biological mother is called "real," then is the adoptive mother "fake?" Similarly, an adopted child is not "given away," or surrendered; his biological mother made an "adoption plan." Why? To ensure a loving home for a child she could not bring up herself.

Adopted Kids Are Not "Chosen!"
You may think this is a compliment, but it can put an unreasonable burden on a child: Because she was chosen, she has to be perfect to be worthy. Besides, it's not truthful -- the adoptive parents were chosen over other applicants.

More on What Not to Say Don't Portray Adopted Kids Like the Media Does!
Be careful that you don't insinuate that adoptive families aren't as good as other families. Realize that the media often portrays birth mothers as teenage runaways and regards adoption as "second-best" parenting. Studies of adoptive kids prove that they are no more problematic than non-adopted children. So, don't form your adoption views on outdated stereotypes.

"Now You'll Get Pregnant!"
Adoptive parents rarely get pregnant after adopting. Only five percent of infertile couples will spontaneously conceive after ending fertility treatments, says author Patricia Irwin Johnston in her book Adoption is a Family Affair! What Relatives and Friends Must Know (Perspectives Press). Besides, it's irrelevant now for parents who've adopted children to grow their families: The child is their own so don't tell them "it's just like having one of your own." Parenting, with all its joys and trials, is parenting.

Want to Know More About Adoption? Ask Later.
Perhaps you're thinking of adopting. If your questions are prompted by obtaining more knowledge about adoption, then make a date or ask to telephone the adoptive parent when his child is not present. You will probably receive more straightforward information privately.

Take a Hint!
Many adoptive parents have been coached on how to reply to tactless questions. If they respond: "Why do you want to know?", "I'll have to think about that one," or "I don't have time to answer this now," or if they use humor to deflect your question, then you've probably invaded their territory. Back off!

"Which One Is Yours?"
With foreign adoptions, the child will probably not resemble the adoptive parent. So don't comment on the striking dissimilarity. Who does the child look like? He looks like his biological family. In the case of a biological and adopted child within the same family, don't ask, "Which one is yours?" They both are, and they're siblings, too.

Diplomacy, Please
If you do put your foot in your mouth, don't worry. The adoptive parent will probably not get angry with you, especially if his child is present. Why? It gives the message to the child that there is something bad in asking about adoption and that his parent is annoyed at his adoption. Adoptive parents don't want to sound defensive, curt, or angry; it sets a bad example for their child who needs to learn how to answer his classmates' similar questions.

Adoption Resources
If you're considering adopting or just looking to become more familiar with the topic, read more:

Adoption is a Family Affair! What Relatives & Friends Must Know (Perspectives Press)
By Patricia Irwin Johnston

Making Sense of Adoption (Harper Paperbacks)
By Lois Melina

Parenting Your Adopted Child: A Positive Approach to Building a Strong Family (McGraw-Hill)
By Andrew Adesman, M.D. with Christine Adamec and Susan Caughman

The Unofficial Guide to Adopting a Child (Wiley)
By Andrea DellaVecchio, MA

Shared Fate: A Theory and Method of Adoptive Relationships (Ben-Simon Publications)
By David A. Kirk

Wesley Davidson lives in Chappaqua, New York. She is an adoptive parent of two and has been asked questions for over twenty years.

Originally published on AmericanBaby.com, August 2006.

LID???

2006-10-29T21:02:00.000-08:00

We are still waiting on our Log-In-Date (LID). I expect that our LID will arrive with the next batch of referrals which will hopefully arrive this week.

In the meantime, I am posting some photos of the bounty that belongs to Emma Claire. I am going full force with the ladybug theme for Emma Claire. Her room colors will be red, black, yellow & white. Ladybugs will be everywhere!! I am not starting to decorate her room until closer to referral time as it serves as our guest room right now. In the meantime, I am collecting anything ladybug for her.

I promised Matt when we began this adoption that I would NOT buy Emma Claire ANY more clothes during the wait. You see, during the wait for Chloe I had a bit of a shopping problem. You have to understand, we waited and waited for our referral with only weekly tips from our agency and updates as to where our LID was in the process, but we never got any notification about our personal status in the process until we got the referral call and Chloe's picture. So, we knew we were expecting a child, we were (and are now) paper pregnant, BUT, we didn't have sonogram photos, morning sickness or fetal movements. So, to compensate, I shopped for clothes. It made Chloe real. The child's wardrobe collection could fill a children's boutique. She outgrew clothes that she never even got to wear and they are boxed up with the tags still on. So, my promise to my dear husband is no more clothes for Emma Claire and I have kept it (fingers are crossed behind my back). Ok, Ok, you will notice 1 photo of an outfit I did purchase for her. But, I used my Gymbucks at Gymboree for it. Yes, yes, for those of you who have peeked into Chloe's closet, I am aware I have a problem!!

2006-10-29T18:08:00.000-08:00

The one outfit I did buy E.C. and some ladybug clothes pins to hold photos. I saw them at IKEA and had to have them.

2006-10-29T18:07:00.000-08:00

A ladybug pillow and a name plaque for E.C.'s door And, I got these in Canton too! LOVE IT!

2006-10-29T18:06:00.000-08:00

A picture from to hold E.C.'s referral photo. I also got this in Canton.

2006-10-29T18:04:00.000-08:00

I love this outfit!! We received this from our friend Johanna & her family. It was E.C.'s first gift. Johanna gave Chloe her 1st gift too. Johanna has the kindest heart!!

2006-10-29T18:03:00.000-08:00

A painting for E.C.'s room. I purchased this just after we began paperchasing. I got it from a vendor at 1st Monday Trade Days in Canton, TX.

2006-10-29T18:00:00.000-08:00

This is a ladybug blanket (yippee!) and Little People Sonya Lee doll from my GWCA September DTC secret pal. The UPS man delivered it after 10 p.m. because Matt found it in the morning when he let the dog out.

Hurry up so you can wait!

2006-10-19T09:11:00.000-07:00

Ahhh, the second phase of the adoption, the wait, has begun! The first phase of the paperchase is just that, a chase (or race) to compile the numerous documents needed to complete your dossier. You hurry up and get everything together so you can wait for your referral.

Our dossier was sent to China on Friday, September 15, 2006. It is now October 19, and I assume that our dossier has been logged in now. We won't find out for certain for a few more weeks and I will be certain to post our date on this blog as well as our website.

Right now, the wait time is 14 months, but we have been warned that it MAY lengthen. I'm not going to complain though. All in good time.

This wait is going to be completely different than Chloe's wait because I have the Chloester to keep me busy. But, I have joined the September DTC Yahoo! group as well as our agency's September DTC Yahoo! group and will be busy with quilt square exchanges and secret pal gift exchanges. They all make the wait a little more bearable.

We have also met some other families in NJ that are adopting from China and are DTC September too. We had dinner with them earlier in the month and we will probably meet up again during the wait.

I am certain that between the blog and the family website that I will have this adoption detailed. No worries there!

The Timeline

2006-10-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Friday, December 16, 2005 - Send our "Application to Adopt from China" via FedEx to our agency, Great Wall China Adoption.
Monday, December 19, 2005 - Received an email from GWCA that they received our application and are reviewing it. We should hear if we are approved to adopt a 2nd time in 4-10 days!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005 - Received a phone call from our agency. They needed our height and weight for our application. Other than that material, we will be set to start paperchasing in a few days when they will send us the agency agreement and adoption manual!Thursday, December 29, 2005 - We received the agency agreement via email from GWCA. Matt and I sign it and get it ready to mail out.
Friday, December 30, 2005 - Mail out agency agreement and 1st installment check.Tuesday, January 3, 2006 - GWCA confirms that they received our agency agreement and sends the 1st chapter in the adoption manual. Heard from our social worker and make plans to start homestudy.
Thursday, January 26, 2006 - after a slow start to paperchasing due to trips to New York, we order certified copies of Shannon's birth certificate and our marriage certificate; write our Letter of Intent to adopt to the CCAA, prepare documents for I-600A and begin getting employment verification for Matt and SAHM letter for Shannon.
Friday, January 27, 2006 - Shannon visits and receives a letter from her specialist on her ability to parent.
Monday, January 30, 2006 - Shannon has her physical exam for the adoption; Shannon's birth certificate arrives in the mail.
Friday, February 17, 2006 - Matt has his physical exam; we complete the autobiography and email it to our social worker
Monday, March 6, 2006 - Shannon receives a letter from another specialist on her ability to parent.
Wednesday, March 8, 2006 - Talk with social worker about setting up in-home meeting.
Sunday, March 26, 2006 - We have our homestudy meeting with our social worker.
Monday, March 27, 2006 - We receive a copy of our homestudy from our sw for review; we call our agency with some questions on our homestudy; we go to get our police clearance letters from our city police department.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006 - We pick-up a letter from Matt's doctor regarding his ability to adopt.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006 - Call our agency again to get criminal checks on Shannon's parents, with whom we are staying until we move. Once the criminal checks are received, we can file our homestudy with the BCIS and await our fingerprinting appointment and then our I-600A. Otherwise our dossier is almost complete.
Friday, March 31, 2006 - Received an email from our case manager at GWCA that Shannon's parents cleared their background checks. I am sure it is coincidence (not), but our "Dossier Tip of the Week" from our agency listed what you should do if you move during your paperchase/homestudy and how to file for twins (it was eerily similar to my 3/29 conversation).
Sunday, April 9, 2006 - Meet with our social worker, and hand in our I-600A paperwork so we can file to get our I-171H.Tuesday, April 11, 2006 - Our homestudy was emailed by our social worker to GWCA for approval.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006 - Our homestudy and CIS application was received at Dallas BCIS.
Friday, April 14, 2006 - Our agency approved our homestudy; our social worker sends out our notarized copies via mail.
Thursday, April 20, 2006- Receive confirmation from the Dallas BCIS that our homestudy and application was received.
Monday, April 24, 2006 - The notarized copy of our dossier arrives from our social worker.
Saturday, May 6, 2006 - Receive our appointment for our fingerprints from Dallas BCIS. Our appointment is for May 18.
Saturday, May 27, 2006 - We changed our fingerprinting date to Tuesday, June 6.
Tuesday, June 6, 2006 - We go to get our fingerprints done at the local BCIS office. Our letter from BCIS overlooked and did not include Shannon's parents and BCIS will have to send out another fingerprinting letter so they can be fingerprinted (ugh!)
Monday, June 12, 2006 - The new fingerprinting letter for Shannon's parents arrives via mail.
Thursday, June 22, 2006 - Shannon's Dad goes to get fingerprinted for the I-600A
Monday, June 23, 2006 - Matt gets his letter of employment signed (yeah!)
Tuesday, June 27, 2006 - Shannon's Mom goes to get fingerprinted
Friday, June 30, 2006 - Finally send off our dossier for certification in Texas. I am only missing Matt's letter of employment and the I-171H for certification. Shannon's physical will be 6 months old at the end of July and the Chinese consulate will not authenticate it. So, we have to send it in to be certified and authenticated NOW
Monday, July 10, 2006 - Receive our documents back from the Texas Secretary of State certified.
Tuesday, July 11, 2006 - Sent our dossier to the Chinese Consulate in Houston via FedEx.
Thursday, July 20, 2006 - Received our authenticated documents back from the Chinese Consulate in Houston.
Thursday, August 3, 2006 - AAARGH! Received a letter from Dallas BCIS that our homestudy requires and addendum for Shannon's parents. Contacted our social worker. BCIS should have it next week and hopefully we will have our I-171H soon.
Friday, August 11, 2006 - send an email to Dallas BCIS inquiring as to the status of our filing and if they received our addendum. NO REPLY.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006 - send another email to Dallas BCIS on the status of our I-171H; also got their telephone number and will call tomorrow.
Wednesday, August 23, 2006 - Made and attempt to call Dallas BCIS- got answering machine that said to only leave a message if it was an emergency.
Friday, August 25, 2006 - Received a response from Dallas BCIS to my 8/22 email!!! We are in line to be looked at today and should hear something soon!! Yeah!
Saturday, August 26, 2006 - WOOHOO!!!! Our I-171H arrived!!!!!
Wednesday, August 30, 2006 - Sent our I-171H to the Texas Secretary of State for certification.
Tuesday, September 5, 2006 - receive our certified documents back from the Texas SOS; send them off to the Chinese Consulate in Houston for authentication; also send our dossier (minus our I-171H to GWCA for a look over).
Thursday, September 8, 2006 - Hear from our dossier consultant at GWCA--our dossier looks good but we need to re-do our family photos. Instead of printing them on a sheet of paper, we need to have the actual photo. Easy enough.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006 - our authenticated documents arrived back from the Chinese Consulate and off they went to GWCA. Our dossier is now complete and will hopefully be sent to China this Friday!!!

Amount of Time to Complete Paperwork: 8 MONTHS, 4 WEEKS

Our dossier arrives at the CCAA on September 15, 2006 and is logged in on October 16, 2006.